VIOLENCE ALWAYS HAS A COST

This news story is from

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/06/03/man-killed-in-chaska-bar-disturbance/

CHASKA, Minn. (WCCO) — A Chaska, Minn., bar is closed temporarily after a man was stabbed to death there overnight.

According to police, 35-year-old Jason David Foster was stabbed in what was called a “disturbance” inside the bar.

Witnesses told WCCO-TV that Foster was standing up for some women who were being accosted while walking away from the bar.

The men accosting the women were told to go outside. Foster was then stabbed several times outside in the bar’s parking lot.

He was taken to the Two Twelve Medical Center in Chaska, where he was pronounced dead.

Three men have been taken into custody and are being held at Carver County Jail. They are 32-year-old Jesse James Rogers, 38-year-old McCarther James McGarry, and 24-year-old Travis James Fritz.

They face potential second-degree homicide charges. Fritz and McGarry also face potential first-degree riot charges.

Kelley’s bar was to remain closed Friday evening. Police said it may stay closed through the weekend.

The bar’s owner, Kelley Sharp, had already been scheduled to meet with police next Tuesday to discuss authorities’ growing concerns with the establishment. The meeting will happen as scheduled, police said

I have no further information beyond the news story.  I have no idea how he found himself in the situation that caused his death.  I am not judging or disrespecting Jason Foster.  My condolences go to his family.

However, readers of this blog can learn from this tragedy and perhaps prevent future tragedies.

Hearing this story reminded me of myself when I was young and dumb.  It also reminded me of a phenomenon I call brown belt syndrome.

Brown belt syndrome is when you know just enough to get killed.  When you say I hope some one tries to mug me so I can teach them a lesson with my skills.  I hope I come across someone being bullied so I can save them.

Every (male) brown belt’s wet dream is to come to the aid of a damsel or damsels in distress.  You see this in nearly every martial art movie ever. 

• Girl is being harassed,
• The hero walks over, says something along the lines of, “the lady said to leave her alone”
• Creep throws punch
• Hero does some sort of amazing commando ninja martial arts move
• Creep runs away
• Hero gets laid

Girls really don’t dig violence.  (If they do look out !!!!).  In fact what most men “think” women think is vastly different than what women think.  Any women reading this feel free to chip in on the comments.

I’m not saying don’t stand up for / help people who need it

I am saying pick your battles and be smart.  Stack the deck in your favor.

Peyton Quinn’s instructions:

•         Do NOT insult him

•         Do NOT threaten him

–        (oh yeah, well I’ll kick your ass!)

•         Do NOT challenge him

–        (what are you going to do? Hit me?)

•         Do NOT deny this is happening

–        (he’s not going to physically assault me for saying that about his mother)

•         Do give him a face saving exit

Can the situation be solved with strategy and words?  Not every situation can be.  If not, do you still need to be involved in the situation?

If you find yourself in a situation where you may need to escalate to a physical confrontation ask yourself:

• Is this worth fighting for?
• Is this worth dying for?
• Is this worth killing for?
• Is this worth a jail sentence?

If you answer no to any of the above, get out of there. 

This next chunk is paraphrased from Rory’s new book.  So go buy it (I have a blurb on the back)

Violence always has a price.  Even social violence - ritualized combat between males of the same species to establish dominance can result in injury

Ritualized dominance struggles are very seldom injurious. We are programmed to attack this way and designed to take it.  Although it hurts, the goal of this conflict behavior is NOT to injure. This allows us to safely engage in conflict, up to and including physical fights.  Rams butt heads, Bears wrestle, and Deer fence with their antlers.  Humans fist fight and wrestle.

But, when people wrestle on concrete sometimes the get their head smashed and die

Is this worth fighting for?

Is this worth dying for?

A close friend of my brother Kent got in a fight in college.  He fell and smashed his head on a concrete traffic control post.  He spent the next three years of his life learning how to talk and walk again.  He never recovered more mental capacity than a young child.  All over macho tough guy social violence bullshit.

Humans are social creatures and have subconscious rules for social violence.  We are also hunters and capable of killing prey.  We are fairly unique in that we can use the tools and tactics that we developed to hunt prey to kill other humans.  Two bridges between social and asocial violence are territories in dispute, and the status seeking show.  In a marginal society like criminal subculture it is better to be feared than loved.  A reputation for violence is a valuable thing.  So how do you safely earn this reputation?   By beating up your allies?  Not conducive to having guys watch your back.  You could fight rivals.  But those rivals have friends watching their back and it could easily escalate beyond what you are prepared for.  So that leaves an outsider but not an enemy.  Someone by themselves or at least with no large male companions.  A relatively easy mark. 

When social violence starts (dominance struggles) in a territory in dispute (The men accosting the women were told to go outside / give up territory) between someone by themselves or at least with no large male companions and a group of men (An outsider is discouraged from interfering with group business – a way of establishing territory).  That violence has increased potential to escalate to a group monkey dance or a status seeking show. 

A Status Seeking Show will violate almost all the rules of normal social violence.  That is the point.  Look how crazy I am did you see what I just did?  Better not fuck with me. 

A Status Seeking Show doesn’t need to follow the steps of the monkey dance nor limit damage either.  A savage beating, knifing, or killing serves the purpose of seeking status by showing how crazy you are.

So all you brown belts, and or guys that think you can impress women by establishing dominance over another guy, remember violence always has a price.  That guy who goaded you into a fight just might be using you to earn a rep for being a crazy mutha fucka.  Real world violence happens faster, harder, closer, and by surprise.  Avoiding confrontation or deescalating it isn’t weak or pussing out.  It’s a smart strategy.  One much more likely to get you laid, and much less likely to get you stabbed.

Train hard, train smart, be safe